Simmer

via Daily Prompt: Simmer

I don’t cook so my main association with simmer is the phrase ‘simmer down.’ There are times when I could stand to simmer down, there are times when we could all stand to simmer down. It can be hard for me to be control my temper when I’m upset and it’s gotten me in trouble. I regret some of the things I’ve said and done in anger. I feel bad about the hurt my angry outbursts have caused people I care about and the damage they’ve done to our relationships. When I look back at some of the things that triggered  my angry outbursts they hardly seem worth getting angry about. I guess in moments of rage I should ask myself if this issue is going to upset me so much a month from now and if it’s not going to upset me then, I shouldn’t let it upset me so much now.

Of course I’ve had instances of anger that I think were perfectly justified and I’ve gotten angry at people I really don’t like but some of the things I said in anger really didn’t do me any favors. They reflected badly on me and gave the other person ammunition against me. Being really angry can hinder my ability to be clever and witty. A clever, witty response is always better than a “Fuck you, asshole!”

On the other hand, telling someone else to simmer down is mostly just obnoxious. I saw a meme that said “Never in the history of calming down has telling someone to calm down worked” and it seems pretty accurate. Telling someone to simmer down is especially awful when it comes in the form of tone policing, which is an attempt to detract from the validity of a statement by attacking the tone in which it was presented, rather than the statement itself.

I see it most often in online debates about topics such as racism, sexism, ableism and homophobia. Discrimination, oppression and violations of human rights are things we should all be angry about it. They are things we cannot afford to ‘simmer down’ about and there’s no reason to play nice with or be polite to abusers, oppressors or those who support and defend them.  It’s also an example of sexism itself since women are told to simmer down much more often than men are.

A few months ago I was criticized on Facebook for my ‘unnecessary anger’ towards Nazi apologists and homophobes. Sorry, I have no plans to simmer down in that regard.

Top ten things that are pissing me off right now

1. Sexist men telling me to smile-I posted this friendship anniversary thing on Facebook that showed the profile pictures of me and my girl friend.  This guy comes along and says “You both need to learn to smile, it goes a long way”.  I told him he needed to learn not to make inappropriate comments on womens’ social media pictures, it goes a long way.”  He wasn’t smiling in his profile picture either but of course it’s only women who need to smile to please men. This guy said he didn’t understand why I was so angry over such a simple thing when he was just pointing out that smiling would make us look better and if I had a problem with him I should unfriend him.  I took that last suggestion of his. Bye Felicia.

2. People who are judgmental of suicide victims on National Suicide Prevention Day- I saw all these nice, thoughtful, supportive blogs on suicide, which I appreciated but then I come across this blog where someone says they consider many people who commit suicide to be cowards. Their rationale was that people who commit suicide have low self confidence and self worth and people who have low self confidence and self worth are cowards. They used to believe all people who committed suicide were cowards but then they had a gracious change of heart and decided it’s only the suicide victims who didn’t just reach out for help that are cowards. If they did reach out for help, their loved ones are to blame for their death.  This blogger then assured people contemplating suicide that things would get better and offered a listening ear to those who are struggling. I guess the fact that judgmental attitudes like theirs are what prevent depressed people from ‘just reaching out’ is lost on this blogger. But hey, what do I know, I have low self confidence and self worth, so therefore I’m a coward.

3. Evil stepfathers who steal my dog from me- Lily is gone for the next few days and I miss her. The bastard doesn’t deserve half custody of her and sharing custody of a dog is stupid anyway

4. People who just don’t give a fuck about spelling or grammar- If you’re going to insult me you can at least use proper spelling and grammar when you do it so you don’t look like even more of an idiot than you already do. I know there are people who think spelling and grammar don’t matter on Facebook but I don’t understand how people can have the same attitude about WordPress. How am I supposed to take what you’ve written on your blog seriously when it’s making my eyes bleed?

5. People who deflect from the issue at hand by attacking me with irrelevant bullshit- I’m trying to explain to this guy on Facebook that there are sound ecological reasons for not allowing dogs in certain nature parks and the rules aren’t just in place to ruin his fun when he decides to bring up a completely unrelated  traumatic incident that happened between me and him more than 10 years ago. He claims that I was the one in the wrong then when he was actually the one in the wrong but that incident had nothing to do with anything anyway. Grumpy grudge holding guy got unfriended just like sexist smiley guy did and his grammar was just as bad.

6. Hypocritical Nazi apologists who tone police me-This is  an example of someone unfriending me rather than the other way around but she acted as though I was the one who unfriended her, telling me that I should realize that politics doesn’t define a person, that you can still be friends with someone when you disagree with them politically and condemning someone else for unfriending her over her political views.  She then blocked me because I was “unnecessarily angry and hateful” towards people I disagreed with. Excuse me for getting angry over gross violations of human rights and for not playing nice with racists, homophobes and Nazi apologists. It’s cool to be sympathetic towards grammar Nazis. It’s not cool to be sympathetic towards actual Nazis.

7. The word ‘unnecessarily’- It’s a good word but it’s a bitch to spell and after complaining about people with poor spelling and hypocrites, the pressure was on me to spell it correctly in this blog post.

8. The way everything on the internet is a fucking slideshow these days-Ain’t no one got time for that.

9. People who say to people who are unable to work due to illness or disability “It must be nice to not have to work”-  To these people I say “It must be nice to not be ill or disabled.”

10.Donald Trump-Just fucking everything about him. He’s a disgrace to this nation. In fact, he and the kind of mindset he and his followers exemplify are also responsible for many of the other items on this list.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this unnecessarily angry list of mine and that you also enjoy this picture of me not smiling.

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