I’m about to post the kind of dumb shit you’re never supposed to post on social media. I’m about to post the kind of dumb shit that causes people to judge you, the kind of dumb shit that can destroy your reputation. If any of the people who like to make fun of me for being a psycho see this status, they are going to have proof of just how much of a psycho I am.
I do not care about any of that though and I will not take this status down no matter how bad of an idea people think it is.

I could just use social media to try to convince everyone that I’m a bright, witty, insightful person who should pursue a career in stand-up comedy. I could also use social media to reveal a darker side of me, a side that’s not very charming, not very amusing and not very attractive.

Why would I want to do that? Because there’s a lot of shame, stigma and misunderstanding surrounding mental illness. I’d rather do something to address that than sit back in shameful silence.

Yesterday someone asked me which therapists had helped me the most. I gave a list of therapists that had helped me but there was one therapist who helped me greatly but who was not on the list. The reason he was not on the list was because I did not realize how much he helped me. At the time he helped me I was too out of it to pay much attention to what he said but today I was reminded of what he said.

After seeing me he says to my mom “I know she’s been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder but I do not think she has schizoaffective disorder. If this is schizoaffective disorder it’s much more affective than it is schizo. I’m taking her off the anti-psychotics she’s on because she does not need anti-psychotics. I know you’re reluctant to try ECT but I am recommending ECT because that is what she needs.”

Thank you, Dr. Martin Weinapple. Thank you for realizing that sometimes when people are behaving in a bizarre, disgusting, maladaptive manner it’s not because they’re delusional, it’s not because they’re experiencing hallucinations and it’s not because they’ve lost touch with reality. It’s because they’re experiencing a lot of sadness, depression and emotional pain that they don’t know how to deal with.

Thank you for literally shocking some sense in to me. I now have an ugly scar on my chest from the port I needed to receive ECT treatments but thanks to ECT I also have things in my life that are beautiful.

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